are you so shy because you have an std?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
