its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
