he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i already hear my dad disowning me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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