she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
