Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
