if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did I show you my penis last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
