turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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