If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
