Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
