You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
