How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
