Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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