if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
