I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
