We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
