you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
