Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize