dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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