We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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