apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
