You work out of a Hotel?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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