Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
