Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
