Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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