I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
