Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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