nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
