the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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