Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize