i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize