Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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