How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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