Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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