we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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