He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize