ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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