nut hugger
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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