Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
