ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
