Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
