Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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