Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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