i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
