Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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