all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
