9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize