After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
