I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
