Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
