I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
