The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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