i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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