so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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