we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
