I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
