WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize