Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
