oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
