Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
