I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize