in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
