My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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