Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
