Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drake has all the answers
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
