Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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