Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
