True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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