Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
