i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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