the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
