And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
