the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
