Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
