I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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