did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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