so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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