i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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