I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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