he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
