Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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