I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
