Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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