Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
