Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
