Umm I'm too high to move.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
