I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
