You can't special order awesome
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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