It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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