Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it's great music for shaving your balls
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
