i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
