FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
