We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found puke in my bra..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
