Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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