his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
