it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Quick, to the slutcave!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
