plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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