Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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