The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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