Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
